Part of what I said at his funeral

Funeral Service – Dr. Pete Soteres
Monday, April 16, 2007

My dad would often read and comment on the works that I wrote and published. In most cases, I could predict what he would say: Keep it simple, son.

So in honoring him here, I’m going to try to keep it simple.

There is only one thing I want to say about my father: He died in a way consistent with the way he lived.

He lived respecting all those whose paths he crossed – and he died with dignity and in peace.

He lived loyal and true to his wife, his friends, and his family – and he died surrounded and comforted by their loyalty, compassion, and faith.

He lived dedicated to easing suffering, to healing, to caring for others – he died selflessly and painlessly, and even as he did so he continued to heal and bring comfort to all those who loved him.

And so, for any who think that life and death as things opposed, I would ask today and going forward that you remember my father and with him the lesson that as we live our lives, so shall we die. So live in charity and respect for others and generosity of spirit. Live in joy and in caring and in peace. Live in love and dignity and hope.

Because, due to my father’s example, I do believe that if we can do these things, we shall also die in these things – and be a comfort rather than a burden to those we must one day leave behind.

I’d like to close with a poem my father wrote upon the death of his father:

Gone, gone, gone away
These tragic words I hear today –
My father’s gone, I now must say
And I must look to find where ended
The plot that winds through all his kindred
What would he do?
What has he done?
The stories there as bright as sun.
Pause, Pause, Pause, Reflect,
And out the corner of my eye
I see his loom against the sky.

The weaver’s gone,
But the pattern’s there.
The needle and thread
Are in good repair.

There I’ll grasp them at this row
And now if only I can sow.

It’s in! The stitch is in this day!
Oh Lord, give me the strength to stay!
And keep the needle on its way
Until another comes behind,
And takes from me the tie that binds.

***
Dad, your sons will do our best to keep the stitching straight and continue to weave the pattern you perceived and wrote about almost 30 years ago.

But I’d want to add that the pattern goes beyond the tightly knit bond of father-to-child – it extends to every one of you here. You all carry threads of my father; I hope you all feel as I do, that knowing him made you better people, even as he believed that knowing all of you made him a better man. I’m grateful for that and take comfort knowing that so much of him still resides with us here – in all of you, in the fabric of our common community.

Dad, we are honored to have known you, indebted to your kindness and guidance, and inspired by your example in life and in death. But most of all, we love you and miss you.